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The Exclamation Point Problem: Why Leaders Need to Be Mindful of Small Comments


A recent bit in my [byte]sized blog got me thinking a bit more and I felt it was worth expanding on to possibly help other leaders or people who want to provide more constructive feedback.

Ever had someone casually say something like, “Wow, you use a lot of exclamation points in your emails”? Seems harmless enough, right? But now, every single time you write, you’re hyperaware of how many exclamation points you’re using. Suddenly, you’re caught in this weird spiral of self-editing where every email feels like it’s under a microscope: “Too many? Not enough? Will this make me sound rude or overexcited?”

Here’s the best part: the person who made that comment has probably forgotten about it entirely. Meanwhile, you’re left with a little voice in your head that keeps second-guessing you every time you hit “send.”

To clarify: this isn’t even about me (though I do tend to use a lot of exclamation points!!!), but I’ve seen it happen so often that I feel like it’s worth talking about—especially for leaders.

Why This Matters for Leaders

Offhand comments (you know, those quick, casual observations that you blurt out and don’t give a second thought to) can stick with someone a lot longer than you intended. As a leader, your words carry a different kind of weight. Something you say in passing might end up changing the way someone on your team thinks about themselves or their work for years.


It’s not just about exclamation points, it’s about how easy it is to undermine someone’s confidence without even realizing it. That comment you made in the team meeting to inspire could actually have the opposite effect and cause more issues than the increased 'productivity' you were hoping for. When the person receiving the feedback doesn’t feel like they have the trust or rapport to ask for clarification, that little comment can morph into a much bigger deal in their mind.

That’s why being intentional with how and when you give feedback is so important.

How to Avoid the “Exclamation Point Problem”

Pick Your Battles

Before you comment on something, ask yourself if it really matters in the grand scheme of things. It's easy (and natural) for people to notice things to critique rather than praise. However, not every "issue" needs to be addressed, especially if it’s not holding the person back or impacting their work. Let the job get done in a way different than what you may have expected; it'll boost that person's confidence and open up more doors for them and your business.

Constructive feedback should focus on what’s going to help someone grow or improve—not small quirks or preferences that don’t actually affect results. If it’s not genuinely helpful, sometimes it’s better to just let it go.

Build Trust First

Feedback only lands well when there’s trust behind it. If your team doesn’t feel like you’re invested in their success or growth, even the most well-intentioned comment can come off as critical. On the flip side, when trust is there, feedback feels like guidance instead of judgment. If you team is giving you feedback, that's probably a good sign.

Building trust takes time, but it’s worth the effort. A strong foundation of respect and understanding makes all the difference when those tougher conversations come up. Find ways to show that you are invested in your people, and actually care about them and their growth.

Be Clear, But Kind

If you do need to give feedback, think about how you’re framing it. There’s a huge difference between pointing something out and making someone feel self-conscious about it. For example: Instead of: “You use too many exclamation points.” Try: “I love the enthusiasm in your emails! Depending on the recipient, you might want to balance that with a more direct tone to make your point hit even harder.”

The feedback is the same, but the tone is constructive instead of nitpicky.

Don’t Wait Too Long to Give Feedback

One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is sitting on feedback until it builds into a bigger issue. If you noticed something, address it sooner rather than later. Feedback loses its effectiveness when you let it pile up or deliver it weeks after the fact—it feels less relevant and more like nitpicking.

Timely feedback allows you to have a quick, productive conversation instead of turning the issue into something unnecessarily dramatic. It also shows that you’re paying attention and genuinely want to help, not waiting for someone to fail.

Follow Up When It Matters

If you’ve given feedback on something that feels personal, check back in later to reinforce the value that person brings to the team. A quick follow-up can go a long way in making sure they know their contributions are appreciated and that the feedback wasn’t meant to tear them down. People often need to hear and see things multiple times in multiple ways to truly understand it.


The Takeaway

The exclamation point problem is a small example of a much bigger leadership lesson. Your words carry more weight than you might realize; something that feels insignificant to you can stick with someone else for years. This shapes the way they think about their work or themselves, and also how they feel about going to work.


That doesn’t mean you should walk on eggshells. It just means being thoughtful, intentional, and empathetic when you give feedback. Your team is made up of humans, and humans are weirdly fragile sometimes (we’ve all been there). Be the kind of leader who builds people up, not the one who unintentionally knocks them down.


If you’re looking for ways to build a people-first workplace where feedback helps your team grow, let’s connect!

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